Between Two Worlds

By: Anonymous submission

Campaign: Mother Nature and Father Time

#literature #BestMemoir #BestAuthor

Hoping off the plane, the cold wind was like the knife cutting my skin, Toronto was a totally

different place. I still remember the moment that the wind blew on my Taiwanese school jacket as if it

was telling me to go back. You know it’s tough to move into a brand new place, especially to go to

the other side of the world. I was 14 at the time, young enough to be brave and start a brand new life.

Taiwan was my everything, the hot and humid weather, the horn of the scooters and cars all over

the street, smell of different cuisines that mixed together in the noisy night market. That’s what came

up to my mind when I closed my eyes and thought about home. Taiwan felt narrow but sweet, it’s so

small that almost everyone in the neighborhood knows each other, but it was also filled with scales,

like I was born to be a specific person.

All that in a sudden changed, at the moment I walked out from the airport I knew it was different.

Canada was nothing like that, it was snowy, white and blank.

Toronto was a magical place, but when I was there for the first time, it greeted me with snow and

silence, it was totally different from Taiwan. It was not really silent, I could hear people joking on the

street and cars and bikes passing by, but my mind felt silent. Unlike Taiwan, Canada is pretty wide,

with big roads and big neighborhoods, it just felt so different, it was like your chest became empty,

from all the local Taiwanese uncles and cowardly neighbors to the peaceful and silent place. Moving

to a brand new place is a tough experience for every teenager.

School was like the other whole new universe to me. Stacked sheets, piled up homework with

cramschool that seems to have the superpower to freeze time was what Taiwanese students suffered

through their childhood. In Canada, we’ll never have to experience that hell-like experience again, it’s

like a whole new world, a paradise to me. Waking up at 8 and going to school with a cup of coffee at

9 was a thing I couldn’t even think of in Taiwan. 4 classes a day, from 9 to 3 sounds like a scam for

me, instead of “Yeahhhhh”, “Whattt?” were the word comes to my mind, it’s more shocking than

finding out Santa was actually my dad, but in a good way though.

To be honest, I had my own pride of being an Asian in the school. Math was like a no-brainer to

me, I even thought I was great at English since I’m always the top ranked student in Taiwan. However

when I became a 12 grader, with an opportunity I saw the work that was done by me years ago,

disaster even became a compliment for my horrible work. That’s why people said the English in the

textbook is not the English in real life.

You know that as an immigrant, I don’t know if every Asian immigrant shares this problem but

there are also identity conflicts. It was funny that when I first arrived in Canada I tried to get rid of my

Taiwanese culture and act like a true Canadian. I talk in the way they do, speak the same language and

express myself just like them, that’s why I make a lot of Canadian friends. I still remember in those

four years, “I don’t care” was what I told my mom when it came to Chinese news. I reject Chinese

news just like I tried to avoid being Asian to fit in the new environment. I guess that’s pretty normal

for a teenage immigrant, right?

However, despite how hard I tried to rip off the Asian tag, I still have to learn to embrace my

ethnicity. There will always be stereotypes, some people took it personally, thinking it was racist, but

I’d like to take it as a joke . “You must be good at Math” , “Can you teach me some Kung-Fu”, “Can

you pronounce L properly”, these are the things people told me while growing up there, guess I have

to learn to take humor as a shield for self-protectness.

Life always gives one a lot of labels, finding the way to balance them is the key to being confident.

Here comes the funny part, the more I try to avoid it, it comes back eventually. As I started my

college chapter, I started to hangout with more Asians, which I don’t used to. I learned more about

identity in those moments, speaking your mother tongue with your people always hits differently. I

am not only Asian, but Canadian, Christian and Indigenous. I have too many labels in my life, which

I’ll have to learn to embrace.

Time flies, Raptors games, hockey and all those Canadian stuff become memories. You know that

sometimes life feels like a script written by god, bring me back to my home, Taiwan.

Aging parents, siblings built their families in the states, I had nothing but me in Canada, standing at

the middle of my life, I knew it’s time to go home.

Going back to Taiwan doesn’t feel like the first time I step into Canada, it was so familiar that all

my childhood memories appeared in my mind. I even had a thought that I could go through the

neighborhood even with my eyes closed. And somehow, I finally accepted my identity again, this

time I felt pride and proud being a Taiwanese.

Maybe time makes one become mature, or maybe it’s because it’s coming back home.

There was definitely culture shock when I first came back, the roads were built differently, people

don’t hoop like we used to do in Canada, especially the god damn law of no turning right while red

light.

However the convenience stores all over the city, and midnight snacks are miracles that will never

be found in Canada. I am not saying Canada is better or Taiwan is better, to me both of them are my

home just like my identities.

Taiwanese?

Canadian?

Indigenous?

Christian?

I don’t have to choose between them and choose to be one, at the same time I can be all of them.

And that’s how my journey shaped me as a person. Having all of these identities became who I am

today. At the end of the day, there will never be an identity that bothers you, trust the process, you

will find the perfect balance eventually.